Have you ever noticed that many mid-to large-sized companies have a Risk Management Department, whose sole purpose it is to identify, manage, and mitigate risks? Most, if not all of us, have insurance policies, be they to protect our health, our homes and what’s in them, and our cars, to name a few. These policies reduce our risks. In a way, we’re all Risk Managers.
I always considered Mom to be a good Risk Manager, in the sense that she always knew what to do in certain situations, and she knew which advice to give others. I appreciated Mom’s advice to me, be it before or after a breakup with a boyfriend, the period during which I looked for a new job in my late 20’s, or in making amends with a friend or relative.
So, when I heard Mom say, “I only had something sweet today”, or when I saw an almost empty refrigerator, or food that had gone bad, I was flabbergasted, not to mention extremely concerned about Mom’s well-being.
At some point, I noticed Mom no longer cooked for herself, so I arranged for her to receive a warm meal three days a week – Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. However, after a few months, it became clear to me that Mom wasn’t eating the meals, or she had taken a few bites, and placed the rest in the refrigerator. Sometimes, the meat or vegetables had gone bad. I’ll spare you the details, but I’m sure you know what I mean!
In February 2020 – about a month before she entered the nursing home – Mom went grocery shopping in the early evening. Her days had shifted somewhat, which meant she didn’t start getting going until about 2pm, so it was not unusual for her to leave her apartment at 4 or 5pm to go somewhere. What made this particular trip to the grocery store so different was that the weather was precarious. Sometimes, Switzerland gets hit by windstorms with gusts that can reach 150 miles per hour (240 kilometers per hour). This particular windstorm was not quite that strong, but strong enough that Mom should NOT have been outdoors with her walker.
I was watching TV with my husband Marius when my mobile phone rang at 7:45pm. It was Mom’s aide, Marianne, who was scheduled to check on Mom in the evening. She said, “Jackie, I’ve checked every room in the apartment, but your mother isn’t here. Do you know where she might be?” My voice remained calm, but my mind was speeding as fast as a race car. I replied, “There are two options. Either Mom is at her friend’s D., or she went grocery shopping.”
I called D. to ask if Mom was at her place, but she wasn’t, so I was sure Mom had gone grocery shopping…in the midst of a windstorm!! Marianne, whom I had met during one of my weekend visits at Mom’s, even offered to walk to the grocery store to see if she would run into Mom along the way. Since I needed two hours by car to reach Mom’s apartment, there was nothing I could do (except call the police). Just as Marianne was about to leave and see if she could locate my mother, Mom returned home. I said to Marianne, “Ask my mother where she’s been?”. In the background, I heard Mom say in a carefree tone, “I was at the grocery store!”
I’m sure you can picture my VERY deep sigh of relief to hear that Mom was home safe and sound. At the same time, it was obvious that Mom had not for a moment recognized the danger she had put herself in. The wind could have literally whipped Mom and her walker to the ground, and since I’m sure almost no one was out and about that evening, Mom would have lain there until the next morning. I don’t even want to think what may have happened to her.
This incident was certainly a tipping point in her cognitive decline and in my managing the risks associated with it. I’m glad Mom entered the nursing home in early March 2020, a step which began as a trial period and has become a permanent stay.
What are my takeaways from these experiences? And which advice do I want to share with you?
1. With respect to changes in behavior, note first, then judge. What I found helpful, and still do, is to document “when, what happens”.
2. When you do notice a pattern, then it’s time to minimize the risks to your loved one’s well-being in whatever way necessary. This doesn’t mean YOU need to do everything. You can also seek help from organizations who can provide the necessary support and services for your loved one. People like Marianne are there, and they are there to help! As far as I’m concerned, Marianne more than earned her salary that evening in February 2020!
3. If you’re interested in reading more about the possible links between eating habits and dementia, please visit the website: https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/daily-care/food-eating.
Thanks for this "risk management" scenario - a significant aspect is the benefit of being in a nursing home, as prudent & required due to ones physical / mental / emotional health - albeit full independent living is a facet gone & probably missed to some extent.