Time May Pass, but Memories Never Do

Thinking of You in a Special Way Today

Dear Mom,

It’s been exactly one year since the head nurse called me to say you had passed away.

I was working from home on Thursday, October 28, 2021.  It was a beautiful fall day.  The sky was blue and cloudless, and the colored leaves looked spectacular in the sunlight.

It was 11:45am when my mobile phone rang.  I saw it was the nursing home calling me.

It wasn’t unusual that the nursing home called me.  This time, though, I thought to myself, “I hope Mom hasn’t fallen and broken any bones, or that she’s had to be taken to the hospital for whatever reason”.  You had fallen about 15 times before you were admitted to the nursing home, and not once had you suffered any fractured or broken bones!

When I took the call, the head nurse – Ms. G. – asked me how I was doing, to which I replied, “I’m doing well.  How are you”?  She responded by saying, “Not so well”.  I immediately thought, “Sh**, Mom was rushed to the hospital”.  Ms. G continued by saying, “Ms. Klaiss, I’m very sorry, but your mother passed away about 15 minutes ago.  There was no sign that anything was wrong.  Otherwise, I would have called you right away and told you to come as quickly as possible.  Your mother passed away very unexpectedly”.

You can imagine I swallowed hard, took a deep breath, and simply had to register what I had just heard.  I couldn’t believe you were no longer with us, but at the same time, I felt tremendous relief that you had not endured a long and painful illness.  Ms. G. was not with you when you passed away, but two nurses in her team were.  Based upon their account of what happened, Ms. G. assured me you had not experienced any pain.

I told Ms. G. – with teary eyes and a trembling voice – you had often expressed the wish that “when your time came” you would go to bed, fall asleep, and never wake up.  You wanted a calm and peaceful departure.  You weren’t in bed when “your time came”, but your wish was granted.  As unusual as it may sound, my deeply felt grief in losing you was somewhat offset by knowing you were able to go the way you wanted to – calmly and peacefully.

After I ended the call with Ms. G., I called Chris to share the news with him.  He was shocked and devastated.  The two of you had always had a special bond.  I know he misses you dearly. 

Mom and Chris enjoying time together in November 2019

Then, Marius and I made the 2-hour trip to the nursing home and were able to be with you in a room reserved for those who pass away there.  There were flower petals on either side of you, and you looked so peaceful.  The nurses had also placed your reading glasses in your folded hands, because they felt your glasses were an intricate part of you.  I agreed with the nurses wholeheartedly, and was grateful to them for their empathy during this very difficult moment.  

Chris, Petra, Marius and I had sufficient time to say good-bye to you before your memorial service on November 12, 2021.

You had been losing your cognitive abilities during the course of about four years.  Each time I left you after a visit, it felt a bit like I was saying good-bye to you, since I didn’t know which condition you would be in during my next visit.  The news about your passing really did mean saying good-bye to you…for the last time.

Speaking of “lasts”, I spoke to you for the last time on October 23, 2021.  I told you Marius and I would visit you over the weekend following your 87th birthday – November 9, 2021 – and I remember your saying, “I’m really looking forward to seeing the two of you”.  Marius and I too looked forward to seeing you.  Although we never had the chance to celebrate your 87th birthday with you, I will always cherish the many birthdays we were able to celebrate together!

I will shed tears today.  At the same time, there are a few things I’ll reflect upon…not only today, but always…including:

• the many walks and talks we enjoyed during which you took the time to listen to me and discuss anything and everything with me,

• your positive mindset and your ability to make the best of any situation,

• your approachability, empathy, and humor, which you maintained up until your final breath, and

• last, but certainly not least, your smile!

I always valued these character traits in you, and they must be contagious, because you did a wonderful job in passing them on to Chris and me!

Mom and I enjoying a glass of wine in Naples, Florida in May 2009

I love you and miss you dearly, Mom. You may no longer be among us, but I feel your presence every day.

Thanks for everything!!

Love,
Jackie